What is respect?
Respect has various meanings depending upon the situation. There is the respect which you show to other people simply because they are part of the human race and it is appropriate to show them the respect of personhood. This is the respect for basic human dignity which allows you to have polite, even meaningful interaction with people who are absolutely and completely different from you in every way.
There is also the respect of leadership. This can involve two distinctly different types of leadership and two different types of respect. One form is to show respect to another person because of the title of their position. The other form of respect is the type which you have for another person because of their personal integrity, excellent ability, or because they can do what others cannot or will not do, regardless of their title.
So following the two types of respect above, it is possible to respect a person’s authority over you due to their title while at the same time not respecting the actual person because their actions are not respect-worthy.
How Do You Get Respect?
So how do you get the respect which is based upon your ability? This is a very difficult question. It is especially difficult for young leaders, or newly promoted/hired leaders. How do you get respect? There is no easy answer, no formula. But this is what I have learned: you cannot demand respect. You cannot require it. You cannot expect it. You cannot manipulate it. You cannot rush it. You can only earn it.
Respect takes time. It takes consistent, dedicated action. If you want respect, are your actions consistently respectable and an example to others? Can others consistently expect you to do the correct thing, regardless of how you feel that day? Do you excel at what you do…every day? Do you show integrity in your decisions? Do you admit to others when you are wrong – and do you admit to being wrong without pointing a finger at others?
Getting respect means that you consistently show respect to others, even when they are being disrespectful to you. It means that you handle disputes with others in a way which communicates your issues while at the same time trying to understand another’s perspective and come to a common ground. It means that you consistently work towards the common good or goal and are willing to set aside your own bias and “desire to win” in order to attain a common goal.
This doesn’t mean that you are a pushover or always looking to negotiate or compromise. It means that when you confront, criticize, or even fire an employee that you do so in a manner which does not insult them, but rather is done with the intent to edify them. Even if you have gotten to the point of termination then by this time you should have had many discussions with the team member about expectations and required performance (coupled with training) and have come to the mutual conclusion that the employee is either unable or willing to meet the standards and would be better off seeking employment elsewhere.
